When I was in college I decided to spent a whole course over other
country, as an international experience. It was indeed one of the best
decisions I ever did, but also, give me so many moments of clear
thinking.
One of the most clear ones
is: I spent whole 2 weeks without human touch. Don't get to deep, I do
not mean sexual encounters or serious displays of affection. I spent 2
whole weeks without even receiving a hug or a hand shake. It did made me
notice Latino cultures are so close to being "overly" affective, we do
give a kiss in the cheek every time we say hi and even hug and clap each
others backs as we salute close relatives and friends. But at that
time, the only thing missing from me were my friends and family, I
wanted so bad to feel close to someone. (It did went away in a mather of
days).
Well, that same feeling happen again. But in this case, it's been quite some years. And I have been "touched".
What
is missing is, after a year and a half under therapy, I noticed myself
putting up a wall in front of me, the world seem like a place I was way
to "into it". I acknowledged way too many things, way to fast, and
trying my best to be cautions about the people around me. It's been
already almost 2 years since I finished therapy.
The
Danish Girl was a good movie (won't say is the best, cause it isn't)
but I can totally relate to the feeling Alicia Vikander's character as
the support to her husbands transformation and yet being an outsider to
the situation itself, alone and yet there.I just started crying.
Couldn't help it. It's being a while since I have certainty of being
close to somebody and being able to "feel" them, to have a real
encounter with another human been in ages, and again, I don't mean
physically, but been able to assure the feel of another human soul in
this world.
I been feeling alone while being surrounded by
people. And in this case, It was my own decision. The biggest issue
right now is not about having a wall protecting me from the world, but
the fact, that I am not sure I can (want) to tear it down.
