The anxiety of having anxiety

Don't get me wrong I have never been diagnosed with medical anxiety, but might as well have it. Over the last couple of weeks my estres levels and anxiety issues have increase to the point where I wake up in the middle of the night afraid and scared of ... well, what am I supposed to be scared of?.

I stumbled over this quote by Seth Godin: "I define anxiety as experiencing failure in advance". I have (since I remember) been always afraid of failure and disappointing people around me (all the time). But ever since I started therapy a year ago, been afraid all the time turn to be a more "well, whatever, I dunno what will happen, what's the worst that could happen?" and the fear was replaced with this magical spell of doing whatever I want and actually doing it (I felted that I could jump from a plane and It will be awesome...which I wont do. ever. yiaks. no).

But right now, I am afraid that I might be failing over not being afraid, the irony of the irony. I am experiencing failure in advance and I'm scared of experiencing failure in advance. Yoga has been doing its tricks but, guess I still need more therapy...*sigh*

I need a new mantra: The fear is a lie, the fear is a lie...the fear is.

Like the Movies #2 : Dad's Special Edition

Its been so long since the last time i came by. I Know i shouldn't but life keeps spinning around my eyes and I just cant settle yet. Once again I Quit my previous job to try a different thing. This time I wont change it, or wont be able to at least.

Life of Pi Movie by Ang Lee

I'm Becoming a Material Girl

After months without any news, Im back. For Good. Maybe.

Life has only become more dissapointing and boring each day. I Quit my previous job, which was fun, but wasnt leading to any safe shore, so to speak. I got a new job, which is fun, but freacking tired, and isnt getting me anywhere, also for some reason its keeping me away from all my friends and family, dunno why. I find myself feeling rusty as days go by and I know at some point I´m gonna have to find another job, which only makes me feel lost and insecure. Its tired since its almost a year feeling the same way.

I think most of those things are the reason why Im more atractted to material things these days, for instance I find my most lovely days are the ones I'm finally able to buy the really-nice-but-expensive Shampoo I saw at the market or the days I go to Zara just to see pretty stuff. Going to Zara is the main reason I consider myself a material girl, currently I'm saving some of my income to get into one of this gorgeous pants! They are just way too pretty to be real!.

Sad but true, right now my closest dream is Shopping.

Zara TRF Oriental Pants 

2012 vs. 2013: now FIGHT!

Well Christmas season come and go as easy as a feather. It happen so fast I feel i didn't got the time to enjoy it properly. I do miss Christmas Eve the old way, when you are little there's only hope and presents to think about, when you go old it also includes financial issues and sadness. But besides that i do enjoy having "slow days" you know, the kinda way Elsie displays on her blog "A Beautiful Mess" on this post. I had several of those and got a chance to enjoy the pleasures of having a place called "home".

You know the old saying "home is where the heart is..." well 2012 my heart made a major skip and turn 180° in different directions, so been able to still have a place i can go and hide during the winter is been a bleassing. During my "slow" days my mom and I got a chance to connect through old movies: "Gone with the Wind", "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and "Pretty Woman" :D i loved them all! and we were spending hours a day just laying in bed with food and "chocolate abuelita" and cinnamon coffee <3.

1. Gone with the Wind (1939), 2. "Breakfast at Tiffany's" (1961), 3. "Pretty Woman" (1990)

Out of Inspiration

Instead of becoming something exited, blogging has started to become a burden. I count on having either a lot of time to think of something or having a lot of awesome things to blog. But as much as i have done this days (ballooning fiesta, Serrat and Sabina concert, one of my bestfriends prom party, etc, etc) and as i actually been doing almost nothing...i already feel so tired i dont wanna go blogging into my computer.

I even download the Blogger app for iPhone to see is i could catch up with everything, but i havent even open it up. I want to do cute and awesome stuff for the blog, i just hope i get the inspiration to do that, and my job. Which for bad luck is lossing its inspiration for me.