Painting used to be the best way to let my mind run free. To escape: painting, drawing, a fucking marker was heaven to me. It was my own world and my own only.
But as time pass by, it gets to be more of a struggle than an escape. Noticing how my inability to paint is getting worst and worst day by day, the struggle to keep going falls down into the angry path. I do notice my bigger regret as I grow old, and is my career decision. I decided not no be an Illustrator. It was playing it safe: non using my only escape as my way to survive, I could never do that to myself. Unfortunately it is also one of only passions in life and totally miscarried it along the way for "major" purposes.
Reality is, I do blame this decision entirely to my parents. It wasn't about playing it safe, it was about them playing it safe for me. They didn't give me much of a decision about it, as I said I intended to to be an illustrator they just said no and I obeyed.
That's the issue, I blame them for taking a decision for me. When in reality it was me not taking my own decisions and standing up for myself, standing for my passion.
For my own sanity I still blame them and still regret (as my own regret) not following my own passion. But one thing is for sure: Painting is still my only escape. And I'm glad I still got this. For as long as I got.

2016: The no-expectations year.

As the year comes to an end, we set ourselves new goals to achieve as soon as the new year enters: Start healthy eating, a new exercise routine, find true love. In my case it usually included: Drawing more, Blogging more, Travel more.

As I sat down to give a quite taught full review of 2015 I just notice how little of my 2015 goals I actually achieved. I did travel, got a beautiful chance to be part of a musical theater course over NY. (Which is an amazing city). But, besides that, I did not blog more, draw or painted more.  I started comparing all my goals, and setting myself full F on my school board for each and every one of them, leaving me feeling down and setting my 2015 as a "boring" year. How sad is it to say your year is "boring"? (It was good, but wasn't spectacular, it wasn't hard either).

Setting goals to the year (and yourself) sets expectations of whats to come, setting expectations allows for the next year to compare your expectations against reality. According to my logic the best way to stop comparing year against year and goals and expectations is simply having NONE.

My only goal I set to myself this year was having ZERO expectations of it, no goals to obtain and no scores to get. That way, everything that happens will be a total surprise. Of course, I made myself some guide: If I do enjoy drawing, I'll just make sure I have a notebook and a pen right beside me at all time (which I already did!). See? I already made progress to make this year a better than 2015 and actually didn't took much. Goals should be measurable in order to be obtainable, the problem is we usually set measures way too high way too fast (losing 20pounds during January, pfff nobody has time for that), but setting small measures along the way may lead to habits, even better than just yearly goals.

I do have some plans: finishing my masters is definitely happening this year, as  well as a quick and fun trip to Barcelona (which might or might not happen, I am just thinking about it) but I am setting no expectations to it, just looking at some booking prices. We'll see how it goes along the way :) 2016, surprise me!

Into 2014....so far.

(BTW this post was supposed to be up a week ago! ...that can give you the scoop as how much I work on the following goals)

As you can see i fall into bad habits quite often: Not blogging. Once said the issue with blogging right now is that it feels more like a chore to do than a hide-out, it makes me feel responsible for something i should be trying to do 24/7. Some part of me knows it is mostly because i look blogging like a new job i have to make perfectly, but at this time, also notice is been a while since in have the opportunity to talk to somebody about pretty much anything that pops out of my head...like my blog used to be.

As every year i try my best to come often, and as every year i fail horribly over it. From all blogs and articles been following lately, one of it included putting your Year Goals by written, therefore you can see them Daily, Measure them and Remind them. So that's what i did...kinda. I put it over my bamboo app on my iPad just to have it around, but not in order to make it impossible to change it a little bit.

Originally started as a 5 goal thing....ended in 4; mainly cause also this year i was able to notice i have almost zero real goals. Not the i-want-to-be-thin kinda of goal, but those goals that are not really by years, but stages, for instance: what i want to do/ to be by the age of 30?. Yes my darlings, that's where the panic come from. *runs in circles, checks first goal of the year*

Tan Agria como Limones

This is the first time i upload one of my drawings or comic strips into my blog. Im really excited haha although i never realized how fun it could be to share through my drawingsthe stories of everyday basis...besides writing them, obviously.

My life has been really bitter for the previous months, haha but after my system finally collapsed, a friend of my came to change the mood of that crappy day.


:) Esta sera la primera vez que subo un dibujo mio o historietilla al blog. Estoy emocionada haha nunca me habia percatado de lo divertido que puede ser compartir por medio de mis dibujos historias de mi dia a dia...digo, ademas de escribirlas.

Mi vida ha sido algo amargosa esos meses, haha pero despues de que alfin me hiciera "caput" en mi sistema un amigo mio llego para cambiarme la tirada con un muy certero comentario.