About to go back "home"

About to go back home. Yeap. After barely 5 months in the old city I am going back.

Part of me is excited about it, to be honest, I do miss certain things (as in people, family and the easy-going of a provincial life). 

But most of me is scared as hell, scared of my future, the decisions I make and he domino effect it will produce. 

I love this city, I love its restaurants, its museums, it's plays. I love it. But it's making me going insane. 

In this big old city, a single fish cannot shine through the entire ocean of fish. You get to be one of many. But that does not mean the many will support you in orden to keep you going, they are in this fight as well, if they must bite you off the race, they will. 

The "welcome to the jungle" never felt more real, and in this case, I do not feel like a "jungle" person anymore.

Although I am going back merely for practical reasons, not sentimental ones.

They offer me a better job. 

It's not as much as you will expect. Is barely above my previous job. But it is better than any previous job I ever had.

My expeses in this city are growing and growing while my salary is just being the same. 

I do not love my job (even though I dont hate it) but it has nothing to do with my career and haven't being able to do the big leap, I came to this city to find my career path, but I think I lost every path I had. 

I feel stuck and unhappy.

The smallest things are starting to get into my head and messing around. 

I do feel like a less of a human being, smaller and less capable than the moment I arrived. 

I feel behind everyone else in every sense.

I do feel like crap.

But there is no real reason for me to stay. The only one saying to me "please, stay" is my heart. As I said, I love this city.

But my head just keeps saying "loser, go home. Go and get the fucking better, study more, do more, save money. Do what the fucking you need to do, to be better."

My head is a dickhead. 

But in this moment in my life, it's kinda right.

So I am going back. 

And I am afraid of not coming back to this dream. The #cdmx dream. Or any other dream for that matter.
...
I did write all of this, 2 weeks ago. I am already back.
I am back. 

Those words people say...

Does people ever wonder what a couple of simple words can do to others? How the way we say things, get to the bottom of our human minds and affects us all as individuals and society? Am I the only human being (in this part of the city at least) that actually resonates that words have weight and that weight usually is pretty heavy? Probably yeah. Also probably I am the only one, since I am currently suffering for the weight a few "useless, casual" words said to me a week ago are doing to my mind.

Two things before we actually move on to those "filthy" words. 1. I am extremely judgemental on things, I overthink pretty much every single aspect of my life from the past mmmm 10 years? That's how much of my life I can process (keep buffering) until today. I'm a natural introvert with high sensory-judging mind (and INFJ if you "believe" on the Myers-Briggs personality test)

Segundo (2). I'm from a small tiny little norther city. We are polite AF. Hospitality is within our state shield. We were teach from a young age that "good morning" "excuse me" and "thank you" were words to open worlds.

So when I first arrived to this big city, the fact that nobody says "good morning, evening, night" or a simple "hi, what can I do for you?" as I come into a store or building or house or whatever, shook me a little bit. I am used to big cities where nobody has any time for an "apology" into bumping people in the subway/tube or saying "good morning" to every single person in a building filled with hundreds of people seems unreasonable. But, I made myself clear that as long as I am in one-on-one situations I would be keeping myself polite and friendly. It turns out to be working good so far (the bitchiness at the office has reduced by a 50%).

But those are "common" everyday words. As I said, they seem to be working, since the environment around me does seem to be a little bit more polite that when I first arrived there. But what happens to the judgments we think and then, say out loud, everyday...that are not necessary bad words.

I am not talking about the moment somebody calls you fat or dumb or truly hurtful things. But thoughts we say as casual, condescending ways, as a matter of simple small talk. Sometimes as jokes and nonchalant discussion...but that do resonate through the years...

A week ago I jumped into a friend of mine; as we were casually chatting about our life's so far (easy jumping into my pool of "I hate my life/job/bank account right now") he said "well, we used to have so much faith in you"...which I responded easily "yeah, I don't even have faith in myself anymore". WE laugh. We kept the conversation going and we went separete ways.

Until later that day, into the comfort of my bed I notice the nature of those 2 sentences.

Both of those statements are facts. Probably, He already forgot he ever said those words to me.

I haven't.

And they are both hardcore trues, going deeper and deeper into my mind, like a diamond drill, slowly but certainly deep.

It was a simple conversation, but without a doubt I have already cried over the fact that I also though I was going to be making a difference by now, I could be calling myself successful and I'd be having enough faith in myself in order to give others faith in themselves. Giving others "words of wisdom" as mother Mary and saying my 15 year old self, "it does gets better". Faith is gone. And I just notice she left the room the instant somebody said it to me.

Simple words are so easy to say and can have such a big impact into our surroundings. Or even worst, into somebody's else psyque, without notice (the hardcore part for me is not being able to notice I have been hurtful to others...).

Please always say "please" and "thank you".

Be careful of the hardcore words you use everyday as sometimes we don't even know the true origin of that word and can be loaded with hurtful history lessons.

And think before you speak...

and try to never take words personally. (Again).

The 2 months mark.

Esto marca oficialmente 2 meses en la gran #cdmx. Yay. yay?.

Originalmente planeaba escribir esto al cumplir el primer mes. Pero en ese momento no solo hubiera sido una nota trágica sino probablemente hubiera terminado conmigo regresando a casa, maleta en mano y ciento volando.

La realidad es que todavía es muy probable que eso suceda.

Mentalmente estoy más estable que hace un mes. Monetariamente no.

Si bien algunos gastos se han compensado. En su gran mayoría han aumentado de manera exponencial haciendo que mi cartera lo sufra (y mi paz financiera este al borde un colapso y a un contrato de deuda a largo plazo con mis padres). Aunque también he pensando en modos de vida mas "alternativos" para compensarlo (siendo la opción mas viable es conseguirme una pequeña "little black book").

En ocasiones pasadas la ciudad me parecía una urbe cosmopolita, donde se es más libre (en casi todos los aspectos) que en provincia, donde las horas no tienen fin y se convierten paulatinamente en un nuevo día. Donde la gente ríe a las 4 de la mañana por todos lados y donde cada esquina tiene un viejo sueño arquitectónico convertido en paisaje. Si bien, es una descripción adecuada, solo lo es para ciertos barrios de la ciudad. El resto de ella es un monstruo de mil cabezas, acalorado y harto de las masas de gente que viven y se mueven en su interior, sin dejar nada más que una cara de hastío y un dolor de cabeza. Los estratos sociales y económicos se vuelven evidentes y son escupidos directamente en nuestra cara, no en son de reclamo pero en son de majadería común y corriente y una "chingadera" más. El monstruo termina por entrar dentro de nosotros, haciéndonos uno con él. Una simbiosis amorfa y desagradable.

Si bien a mayor tamaño, mayores oportunidades, las posibles ofertas de esta ciudad parecen deslizarse de entre mis dedos; O yo no fui creada para este lugar o este lugar nunca planeó tener una carrera para mí. Si bien apenas son 2 meses y muchos otros antes que yo sufrieron/batallaron/lucharon durante más tiempo antes de establecerse, yo he perdido el foco y creo que esta es una de esas batallas perdidas. Una batalla perdida en la que tengo la oportunidad de hacerme un harakiri o luchar hasta ver el cañón en la cara y morir (porque, queridos, como lo he descubierto. Mi orgullo es mi más grande debilidad). "Uno pierde las batallas pero no la guerra" (ini pidi las batallis piri ni la guerra), eso es cuando sabes cual es la gran guerra, el gran propósito de lanzarse a la muerte por el bien mayor, común o propio. Pero ya he perdido la razón de ser de todo esto y así es como uno termina odiando a todo mundo, odiándose a si mismo, pero con el patriotismo por delante (cof perdonUSA cof).

El detalle con esta batalla es haberla iniciado con altas expectativas. Si bien me lo prometí, no volver a iniciar un año calendario con expectativas o planes y mejor dejar que la vida me sorprendiera; hacer cambios tan drásticos implicaba hacer al menos uno o 2 planes a corto e inmediato plazo (dejando mi mente flotar a la deriva, "daydreaming" y bien, haciendo expectativas improbables, increíbles e inconcebibles).

¿Y la vida por qué no viene con Google Maps?

Ahora que ya hice el primer paso y me mude a esta urbe, no me queda más que "sobrevivir". Si bien suena dramático, la realidad de las cosas es que ya no me queda mucho que hacer. Mi sueño esta hecho y lo que no esperaba es encontrarme con la cartera vacía y con ella, mi cartera de motivaciones y sueños, también vacía. No sabia que esperar después, que quería para después. Solo hice lo que había pendiente en la lista y ahora que fue completado me encuentro con un montón de puntos "to do", una pluma y sin nada que escribir. Dibujar si (oh si). Pero... ¿y ahora qué? 

 

 

Papelito (otro) habla.

Estoy a punto de recibir el titulo de maestría por parte de mi alma mater, si bien es un logro que según las buenas lenguas "no cualquiera" no estoy pero ni tantito emocionada. Es un logro, una meta, un escalón más en esta escalera de la vida. PFFFF ¿así o más cursi? Al graduarme de la carrera profesional el sentimiento de superación y de que todos los posters motivacionales con helvetica si funcionan tenia completo sentido, es necesario ese primer empujón para romper la barrera del mundo "laboral" y no perder el aliento al ser desechado en una 30 o 40va entrevista laboral.

Pero ahora, el sentimiento es nulo, inexistente. Hemos pasado por ese rompimiento de la auto estima estudiantil ya una vez, una segunda parece fútil. El cuento de hadas al terminar la lucha contra el dragón universitario ya tuvo su final no tan feliz y ahora la vida cada vez se parece más a una sitcom (Para ser exactos ese momento en el que Robin se queda sin novio, sin trabajo y sin lugar donde vivir siendo una tercera rueda en el departamento de Marshall y Lili).

Pero un papel más o un papel menos ya no simboliza un cambio real en tu vida. Si bien en la carrera profesional creces y aprendes de manera constante en un ambiente de 24/7 de proyectos, guías, clases, tutores, fiestas (obviamente) y viajes, en un ambiente laboral una maestría solo es cambiar 1/5 de tu rutina, no todo de golpe. ¿Y realmente cambiará algo? Siento que he desperdiciado los últimos 3 años de mi vida en obtener un papel que no tienen ningún valor para mí, las oportunidades y experiencias en estos años son invaluables, pero el papel no marcara un antes o un después, ni un valor superior o menor, ni  tampoco son capaces de demostrar quien soy en realidad. Ese papel es solo un papel.

La realidad es que ya lo tengo en mano, y hoy ya estoy de nueva cuenta en mi oficina con mi agenda en mano, audífonos y sobreviviendo a base de café. Igual que ayer, igual que mañana. La motivación no la da el papel, ahora hay que buscarla.

The real feel of a human being

When I was in college I decided to spent a whole course over other country, as an international experience. It was indeed one of the best decisions I ever did, but also, give me so many moments of clear thinking.

One of the most clear ones is: I spent whole 2 weeks without human touch. Don't get to deep, I do not mean sexual encounters or serious displays of affection. I spent 2 whole weeks without even receiving a hug or a hand shake. It did made me notice Latino cultures are so close to being "overly" affective, we do give a kiss in the cheek every time we say hi and even hug and clap each others backs as we salute close relatives and friends. But at that time, the only thing missing from me were my friends and family, I wanted so bad to feel close to someone. (It did went away in a mather of days).

Well, that same feeling happen again. But in this case, it's been quite some years. And I have been "touched".

What is missing is, after a year and a half under therapy, I noticed myself putting up a wall in front of me, the world seem like a place I was way to "into it". I acknowledged way too many things, way to fast, and trying my best to be cautions about the people around me. It's been already almost 2 years since I finished therapy. 

The Danish Girl was a good movie (won't say is the best, cause it isn't) but I can totally relate to the feeling Alicia Vikander's character as the support to her husbands transformation and yet being an outsider to the situation itself, alone and yet there.I just started crying. Couldn't help it. It's being a while since I have certainty of being close to somebody and being able to "feel" them, to have a real encounter with another human been in ages, and again, I don't mean physically, but been able to assure the feel of another human soul in this world.

I been feeling alone while being surrounded by people. And in this case, It was my own decision. The biggest issue right now is not about having a wall protecting me from the world, but the fact, that I am not sure I can (want) to tear it down.

Painting used to be the best way to let my mind run free. To escape: painting, drawing, a fucking marker was heaven to me. It was my own world and my own only.
But as time pass by, it gets to be more of a struggle than an escape. Noticing how my inability to paint is getting worst and worst day by day, the struggle to keep going falls down into the angry path. I do notice my bigger regret as I grow old, and is my career decision. I decided not no be an Illustrator. It was playing it safe: non using my only escape as my way to survive, I could never do that to myself. Unfortunately it is also one of only passions in life and totally miscarried it along the way for "major" purposes.
Reality is, I do blame this decision entirely to my parents. It wasn't about playing it safe, it was about them playing it safe for me. They didn't give me much of a decision about it, as I said I intended to to be an illustrator they just said no and I obeyed.
That's the issue, I blame them for taking a decision for me. When in reality it was me not taking my own decisions and standing up for myself, standing for my passion.
For my own sanity I still blame them and still regret (as my own regret) not following my own passion. But one thing is for sure: Painting is still my only escape. And I'm glad I still got this. For as long as I got.

2016: The no-expectations year.

As the year comes to an end, we set ourselves new goals to achieve as soon as the new year enters: Start healthy eating, a new exercise routine, find true love. In my case it usually included: Drawing more, Blogging more, Travel more.

As I sat down to give a quite taught full review of 2015 I just notice how little of my 2015 goals I actually achieved. I did travel, got a beautiful chance to be part of a musical theater course over NY. (Which is an amazing city). But, besides that, I did not blog more, draw or painted more.  I started comparing all my goals, and setting myself full F on my school board for each and every one of them, leaving me feeling down and setting my 2015 as a "boring" year. How sad is it to say your year is "boring"? (It was good, but wasn't spectacular, it wasn't hard either).

Setting goals to the year (and yourself) sets expectations of whats to come, setting expectations allows for the next year to compare your expectations against reality. According to my logic the best way to stop comparing year against year and goals and expectations is simply having NONE.

My only goal I set to myself this year was having ZERO expectations of it, no goals to obtain and no scores to get. That way, everything that happens will be a total surprise. Of course, I made myself some guide: If I do enjoy drawing, I'll just make sure I have a notebook and a pen right beside me at all time (which I already did!). See? I already made progress to make this year a better than 2015 and actually didn't took much. Goals should be measurable in order to be obtainable, the problem is we usually set measures way too high way too fast (losing 20pounds during January, pfff nobody has time for that), but setting small measures along the way may lead to habits, even better than just yearly goals.

I do have some plans: finishing my masters is definitely happening this year, as  well as a quick and fun trip to Barcelona (which might or might not happen, I am just thinking about it) but I am setting no expectations to it, just looking at some booking prices. We'll see how it goes along the way :) 2016, surprise me!

The anxiety of having anxiety

Don't get me wrong I have never been diagnosed with medical anxiety, but might as well have it. Over the last couple of weeks my estres levels and anxiety issues have increase to the point where I wake up in the middle of the night afraid and scared of ... well, what am I supposed to be scared of?.

I stumbled over this quote by Seth Godin: "I define anxiety as experiencing failure in advance". I have (since I remember) been always afraid of failure and disappointing people around me (all the time). But ever since I started therapy a year ago, been afraid all the time turn to be a more "well, whatever, I dunno what will happen, what's the worst that could happen?" and the fear was replaced with this magical spell of doing whatever I want and actually doing it (I felted that I could jump from a plane and It will be awesome...which I wont do. ever. yiaks. no).

But right now, I am afraid that I might be failing over not being afraid, the irony of the irony. I am experiencing failure in advance and I'm scared of experiencing failure in advance. Yoga has been doing its tricks but, guess I still need more therapy...*sigh*

I need a new mantra: The fear is a lie, the fear is a lie...the fear is.

On the HIMYM Finale...or how I learn to wait.

Yes yes yes, its been over nearly a month ago and yet I want to talk about it. Maybe we needed to wait for my LEGEN - wait for it even when you actually now whats next- DARY opinion about it. (Or maybe not, suit yourself.)
Yes,yes, yes the internet exploded the instant we saw SPOILER Ted Mosby by Robin's window with a blue french horn after years of the mothers death. Yeah, whether you hate it or love it (like i did) you have to admit this just made a huge closure to a generation (just like FRIENDS did at 2004) . I did grow up to become an adult based on the HIMYM gang, their familiarity and moves became my moves, my familiarity and my gang at the end. The inside jokes of this generation are gonna grow old to become part of our adulthood and whether you liked the end or not, you will always remember the 2:00 am rules, the MacKlarens and the pineapple and the goat (BTW WTH with that stuped pineapple!!!!!) cause they were the true LEGEN - wait for it - DARY stuff.

The good stuff, the memorable stuff, sticks around. So does the lessons. We learn to wait for the right one, that true love changes and grows within each marshmallow and lillypad and every Robin gets her blue french horn at the end (Now you see why i love the ending right?). But its not about finding the Mosby of our heart, the Barney that makes us laugh and the Marshall that would walk a 500 miles to us. Not only I want to find the right one, the How I Met Your Father story, but the trick is to become the One too. Being that Ted who keeps believing in destiny forever, that Barney who also loves scotch and cuban cigars and that Marshall who is willing to give a dream to travel to Italy, that Robin who just knows what she truly wants and that Lily who loves unconditionally. Its not about if we are mad the Mother dies at the end and Ted gets a second chance with Robin, but, that after 9 seasons, we saw the Mother grew to become the one to somebody as well as we saw each of them grew and become their own ONE and only love. 

That's why I love it, and why probably will keep loving it, HIMYM teach me to look and wait, but also to grow and become.

Now about growing...what next series are you watching?

Somewhere only we know

Right now, as a "grown-up", has been dificult to find places than endulge me, feel warm and totally blow my mind (the 3 options at the same time). My city isnt a very cosmopolitan city where I can see very different sides of it (like going from the Soho to the Bronx to Manhattan in NY) pretty much my city doesn't have many places you can actually run that are less than 40 minutes away and there are no many hidden alleys.

Well, over the weekend it show me off the opposite. I (well not me, my friends) find this little cutie café hidden on a side street from a very busy main road...it's right there on plain sight and yet for some reason its extreamelly cozy and cutie and perfect. The café is an open terrance with gorgeous lights over the trees and books to the side of the tables (or under or above!) and the food is divine as in Yummy, Cozy and home-made but perfect!. It was still a little too cold to be in the terrance, but the soft blankets make it a lot better to handle...but guys, let me tell you a secret, I'm almost sure my chocolate had something on it, (like pot hahaha) but we just couldn't stop laughing. Like WE COULDN'T STOP at all! It was past midnight and we were repeting all the same jokes over and over and never got tired of it! (mitocondria y su hermano fitoplasma!) 

I guess the trick to find new marvelous places to see in your own comfort zone is to see them with other eyes, it includes a set of several eyes to make a simple sweet place, the most marvelous Central Perk in the whole world.

Academy Awards Post-Recovery

Don't you ever feel like the Academy Awards are one big holiday day and we should get days off-work for it, presents, all the family together and just enjoy them? Like Christmas....maybe?. Am i the only one? I bet im not. Lets face it im currently feeling the blues post-award season, and even thought I enjoy them very much (specially the Oscars) I now feel something is missing. 

Aww Alfonso, estamos todos en este viaje...

This year's season was extremely fun since I planned  (actual planning) everything on advance in order to make the most out of the whole event ( from making sure i actually had the time to sit and watch, to actually making some drinks for it, but don't get me wrong it was nothing fancy, mostly beers and lime). So I had a lot of time in front of the tv to get excited (at one point I was already jumping in bed and screaming...my mom just left the room for a while). And I had reasons to: so happy for Mr. Alfonso Cuarón, Gravity was for me a delightful movie to see and not because he is from Mexico City or that (c'mon its not like my cutie country actually supports the arts) but because I love how he works his teams into making the kind of movie I love (yeah, I still think the 3rd Harry Potter is the best or most accurate to my mind).

But speacking of movie loves....I had no other than Gravity this year and not bacause American Hustle or 12 years a slave or even Nebraska and Blue Jasmine weren't good, the problem is, I cant tell, since I havnt seen them. (OMG yes ladies and gentleman i made a capital huge enourmous mistake and havent seen any of them). I'm so desesperated to see Jared Leto in Dallas Buyers Club and Lupita Nyong'o and Michael Fassbender in 12 years a slave, but damn, it appears not only awards gotta have to be plan into detail, but movies to me are becoming a prvilage little thing you can't just wait 365 days to have again. 

The plus-non-plus

Lets discuss work behavior. Sound heavy...better not. Les re-schedule that. Do now what you can do later.

Lets face it, work ethics are not only dificult to explain, but has become a group thing rather than an individual work ethic. Currently im overdoing as much as possible, first for the love of being there, learning and mostly feeling useful (cause after graduation i hit down to feeling useless). But also today they finally shout up to my face "you work as hard as you do for simple pleasure, nones notices it and nobody cares". Well i guess i wasnt expecting anybody to notice...or did i? Was it a bigger masterplan to make my superiors notice me? O do i really work double or triple than others for nothing in return?.

It did not scare me, it made me Mad. Mad as hell. Yes i was working hard, it should be recorded somewhere, into somebodys mind, dont care about the paycheck but feeling that others see the way i see it, true love for extra effort. Well in case you are wondering my other team players were looking at my as an idiot for working extra, for nothing. 

Yaouza. They were already working hard as hell, anybody who does extra is an idiot for doing it. Well, team players, let me tell you, im about to become you. Doing exactly what im supposed to do, nothing extra, just exactly 100%. Not 10 or 20% extra, nope. Nothing. Lets play this group work rule. (Btw i feel theres something they arent telling me....probably the numbers on their paycheck compared to my non-existent one) 

(Btw im a job meeting jojo) 

Into 2014....so far.

(BTW this post was supposed to be up a week ago! ...that can give you the scoop as how much I work on the following goals)

As you can see i fall into bad habits quite often: Not blogging. Once said the issue with blogging right now is that it feels more like a chore to do than a hide-out, it makes me feel responsible for something i should be trying to do 24/7. Some part of me knows it is mostly because i look blogging like a new job i have to make perfectly, but at this time, also notice is been a while since in have the opportunity to talk to somebody about pretty much anything that pops out of my head...like my blog used to be.

As every year i try my best to come often, and as every year i fail horribly over it. From all blogs and articles been following lately, one of it included putting your Year Goals by written, therefore you can see them Daily, Measure them and Remind them. So that's what i did...kinda. I put it over my bamboo app on my iPad just to have it around, but not in order to make it impossible to change it a little bit.

Originally started as a 5 goal thing....ended in 4; mainly cause also this year i was able to notice i have almost zero real goals. Not the i-want-to-be-thin kinda of goal, but those goals that are not really by years, but stages, for instance: what i want to do/ to be by the age of 30?. Yes my darlings, that's where the panic come from. *runs in circles, checks first goal of the year*

Like the Movies #2 : Dad's Special Edition

Its been so long since the last time i came by. I Know i shouldn't but life keeps spinning around my eyes and I just cant settle yet. Once again I Quit my previous job to try a different thing. This time I wont change it, or wont be able to at least.

Life of Pi Movie by Ang Lee

Pan con Cajeta para la Amargueta

Today was one of those days where I truly wanted to murder somebody. Job just got all messed up. I hate it. First they totally put a line on my about a mistake one of my parterns made and I couldnt solve it properly. Second, cash was missing. Yes, as in physical money was missing. And third, they change my schedule out of the blue for tomorrow, when I already had plans for that day. I got my schedule done again, but besides that, i still want to push somebody over a cliff.

Thank you blog of mine for still being around, today I can recall why I like writing a blog. My blog is the second friend I can tell everything and totally listens.

I'm Becoming a Material Girl

After months without any news, Im back. For Good. Maybe.

Life has only become more dissapointing and boring each day. I Quit my previous job, which was fun, but wasnt leading to any safe shore, so to speak. I got a new job, which is fun, but freacking tired, and isnt getting me anywhere, also for some reason its keeping me away from all my friends and family, dunno why. I find myself feeling rusty as days go by and I know at some point I´m gonna have to find another job, which only makes me feel lost and insecure. Its tired since its almost a year feeling the same way.

I think most of those things are the reason why Im more atractted to material things these days, for instance I find my most lovely days are the ones I'm finally able to buy the really-nice-but-expensive Shampoo I saw at the market or the days I go to Zara just to see pretty stuff. Going to Zara is the main reason I consider myself a material girl, currently I'm saving some of my income to get into one of this gorgeous pants! They are just way too pretty to be real!.

Sad but true, right now my closest dream is Shopping.

Zara TRF Oriental Pants 

2012 vs. 2013: now FIGHT!

Well Christmas season come and go as easy as a feather. It happen so fast I feel i didn't got the time to enjoy it properly. I do miss Christmas Eve the old way, when you are little there's only hope and presents to think about, when you go old it also includes financial issues and sadness. But besides that i do enjoy having "slow days" you know, the kinda way Elsie displays on her blog "A Beautiful Mess" on this post. I had several of those and got a chance to enjoy the pleasures of having a place called "home".

You know the old saying "home is where the heart is..." well 2012 my heart made a major skip and turn 180° in different directions, so been able to still have a place i can go and hide during the winter is been a bleassing. During my "slow" days my mom and I got a chance to connect through old movies: "Gone with the Wind", "Breakfast at Tiffany's" and "Pretty Woman" :D i loved them all! and we were spending hours a day just laying in bed with food and "chocolate abuelita" and cinnamon coffee <3.

1. Gone with the Wind (1939), 2. "Breakfast at Tiffany's" (1961), 3. "Pretty Woman" (1990)

Tan Agria como Limones

This is the first time i upload one of my drawings or comic strips into my blog. Im really excited haha although i never realized how fun it could be to share through my drawingsthe stories of everyday basis...besides writing them, obviously.

My life has been really bitter for the previous months, haha but after my system finally collapsed, a friend of my came to change the mood of that crappy day.


:) Esta sera la primera vez que subo un dibujo mio o historietilla al blog. Estoy emocionada haha nunca me habia percatado de lo divertido que puede ser compartir por medio de mis dibujos historias de mi dia a dia...digo, ademas de escribirlas.

Mi vida ha sido algo amargosa esos meses, haha pero despues de que alfin me hiciera "caput" en mi sistema un amigo mio llego para cambiarme la tirada con un muy certero comentario.

Movies to LIVE! #1

Well, since some of my ideas are pop-in out to see the light I decided to try a new segment! MOVIES. Cause let's face it we all love them, we all have our favorites, and there some to die for.

The first im going to start off is "The Great Gatsby". I know, i know, it hasn´t even come out yet (until Christmas day 2012) but dear god the Trailer is good enough for me!!! :D the images are nothing like i picture them reading the book (...also i havent finish it but im way too excited to let it go easily, i wanna have everything fresh for the movie) but everything in my mind was more tone-down. The director (Baz Lurhman) best known for "Moulin Rouge" has a very high standard for images and color and for my point of view a very barroquesque style. All the photo style of it is very rich and saturated and gives the feeling of a very fantastical world.

As you can tell already, I used a lot of VERY for describing it, but its the ultimate "maximalism" towards such a deep classic.

Reasons why i'd love to live in that film:

1. Leonardo DiCaprio (c'mon years have serve u good young sir!)
2. The dresses! those costumes are just gorgeous!
3. The arquitecture (which creates this ciber-punk post 20´s in a side world)
4. And (i wanna bet they werent actually like this during that Gatsby time) the parties! its both chic and glamourouse as drama and madness!

I just truly hope the movie doesnt let me down.

Let's teach our Sons...

Hoy es el día internacional de la lucha por la Eliminación de la Violencia hacia la mujer.

Como parte de mi oficina nos unimos a un colectivo local para causas sociales: Remedio Casero, para el Malestar Social e iniciamos una campaña para tratar de fomentar actitudes positivas hacia las mujeres tomando como base actitudes ya negativas, es decir, haz lo opuesto a lo que ya estamos haciendo, haz lo positivo y elimina la violencia.

Fuimos a tomar fotografías con imágenes positivas a diversas escuelas de la ciudad, principalmente universidades. Fue sobretodo cansado pero la mayoría de la gente se mostraba muy complacida con lo que hacíamos y muy cooperativas.

Al final de cuentas tratamos de dar a conocer el día  saber que la lucha no ha terminado, y que si queremos hacer algo al respecto se debe de empezar con nosotros, no haciéndonos sentir culpables o lamentándonos de los demás, sino fomentando y criando buenas personas.